Alyssa is going to be a great grandma
For a taste of who I am (and by “taste” I mean complete and perfect translation of my life at the moment) this collage that my friend put together provides. It is modeled after a Foodland water bottle, Foodland being a grocery store where I met Brian Wilson.
in response to shane’s call for an intervention, i admit that i have a problem. i work with kids and they love me. what has become of my life? i make a living by taking care of, teaching, and helping children. they are giving meaning to my life and i don’t like it. shane, i think our absence from one another’s lives has led to these unfortunate events.
in other news.
shane, what’s up with you? i heard you got an interview with brown, and how did your ucsd one go? i vote for ucsd, as i will definitely come down (if not MOVE down eventually) to meet your handsome med school peers. perhaps i should draft up a checklist of requirements for potential husbands so that we don’t waste any time.
in response to alyssa’s last post, i think we may need to stage an intervention. alyssa becoming a preschool teacher is marginally acceptable because she needs cash to survive. but alyssa confessing her love to a kid? MADNESS. i cannot think of a bigger hater of annoying little kids than alyssa. i don’t know if i should be acknowledging this as a telling sign of weakness by alyssa or giving mad props to a talented toddler. alyssa has always been the model for everything right in life. she loves sexy boys, getting paper, getting crazy, claiming all beds as her own, likes cats (banana) but prefers dogs, and most importantly sees kids as loud objects that throw shit and take naps. what has happened to my favorite sister and heroic idol figure?
PS: in the world of sports. i may have to see a doctor because my tebowner has lasted longer than 4 hours. also, tiger woods. that’s all
It’s been a while. Anywayz, life werks in mysterious wayz. Thus, it is ironic, that I, Alyssa, am now a preschool teacher. This means that I deal with kids on the daily. Guess how many? One hundred fucking fifty of them.
For the most part, it’s like whatever. I make sure they don’t die, kill themselves, or kill anyone else. Also, I make sure that I don’t kill them. Also I get to nap. They play, eat, play, sleep, cry, talk, etc. But funny thing happened the other day….
This little girl (who has been kind of following me around and telling me all kinds of pointless stories about her family, swimming lessons, jacket, and such) was walking behind me on my way to the classroom from the playground. She then calls out, “Miss Alyssa?!?!”
I turn around. Didn’t say anything, but acknowledged her call.
She says: ”I love you Miss Alyssa.”
0o0 <——-me @ first
-___- <——me a second later
I say: ”Oh, ummmm……………………………………………………………”
Stares at me.
I reply awkwardly….”I. Love. You too!”
I then proceed to turn around and walk faster.
I SAID “I LOVE YOU” TO A KID. WHO AM I???
Shane was apparently up all night last night because he was studying. I’m sure pills and caffeine played a large part in making this possible. He is studying like crazy for now, but soon he will return to his fun self. Anyways, Shane is going to be a doctor because he is super smart and doesn’t mind gross things. (Trust me, I’ve lived with him). He is going to save the world and all of the whale sharks and turtles. His only requirements for a girlfriend are cute and smart. So, if you are a cute, smart girl who wants to marry a ballin’ doctor, jump on the Shane train while you can. I’m sure he’s down.